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Unlike Tom Brady, Mr. Ames says its for real this time.

Mr. Ames to Retire From Bangor High School

April 1, 2022

BANGOR--After a very long, successful teaching career, Mr. Ames is 100% certain that he will be officially, undoubtedly retiring after the 2021-2022 season, um, school year. In a recent tweet, Mr. Ames...

Local Cemetery Residents Being Relocated to Potholes

Local Cemetery Residents Being Relocated to Potholes

Morticia Addams April 1, 2022

BANGOR—Due to the overwhelming overpopulation of the world, there has been a lack of space at cemeteries, which has led Pine Grove cemetery to begin relocating people in Hammond Street potholes. ...

Cars Traveling Through The Mall to Avoid Potholes Kickstarts Demolition of Old Mall Buildings

Cars Traveling Through The Mall to Avoid Potholes Kickstarts Demolition of Old Mall Buildings

Thread Firestone April 1, 2022

BANGOR – “Going through the mall did less damage to my car than going over the potholes would have!” said one person who drove through the center of  the Bangor Mall.  Authorities say that yesterday...

Lost City Found in Local Pothole

Lost City Found in Local Pothole

Old Trapper Keith April 1, 2022

BANGOR--Following the brutal winter season, massive potholes have taken over city streets and have revealed unknown mysteries to the people of Bangor, including the lost city of Atlantis.  In a local...

Kids Struggling to get Reservation in School Lunchline Go Hungry

Kids Struggling to get Reservation in School Lunchline Go Hungry

April 1, 2022

BANGOR, ME—Student complaints of long lunch lines have led Bangor High to implement a new reservations system. However, this system comes with its own repercussions. Those unfamiliar with the proprietary...

Local drivers have had to be inventive, as recent gas prices have caused pain at the pump.

Record High Gas Prices Have Caused Some to Switch to Flintstone Cars

April 1, 2022

ALABAMA--A man living in rural Alabama is so fed up with the current price of gas that he has started to use a Flintstone car for transportation.  Bubba Abernathy, of Guntersville, Alabama, constructed...

BHS Teacher Buys Cardboard Cutout of His Head, “But Not To Be Creepy or Anything Like That”

BHS Teacher Buys Cardboard Cutout of His Head, “But Not To Be Creepy or Anything Like That”

Kay Oss April 1, 2022

BANGOR--What is going on with the cardboard cutouts of teachers’ heads? One teacher, Mr. Nunya Business, explains why he decided to purchase his in a riveting interview on Tuesday. “I wanted...

Juul set to release poop scented products this April

Juul set to release poop scented products this April

April 1, 2022

BANGOR--Juul has met with its fair share of controversy over the years, but the company’s latest release, the Poop Pod 4-pack, is set to hit shelves this April. The idea behind the flavor came out of...

Pothole fish are rising in popularity, threatening lobster demand from tourists.

Next Bass Pro Fishing Tournament to be held at Bangor Mall Potholes

Block Smith and Tackle Smith, Fishin' Experts April 1, 2022

BANGOR--Potholes in Maine have been a big issue recently. They have grown so big that people are finding fish in them. “With the newfound fish in these potholes, I feel the next fishing tournament...

Mr. Crabtree, holding a large assembly of balloons, was last seen at the Bangor Comic-Con.

Teacher Goes Missing, Reward Offered

Bob Gray April 1, 2022

BANGOR—A Bangor High teacher has gone missing, causing concern among students and teachers, alike, and a reward has been offered for his safe return. English Teacher Mr. Crabtree was last seen wearing...

“New Roof” Project Just a Giant Swimming Pool

“New Roof” Project Just a Giant Swimming Pool

April 1, 2022

BANGOR--An inside source from the Devoe Construction Company revealed to the RamPage on Monday that the $4 million “roof renovations” at Bangor High were really just a coverup story. In reality,...

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