Local Cemetery Residents Being Relocated to Potholes

Extreme plot prices drive out residents from Pine Grove Cemetery.

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Morticia Addams

BANGOR—Due to the overwhelming overpopulation of the world, there has been a lack of space at cemeteries, which has led Pine Grove cemetery to begin relocating people in Hammond Street potholes.

“It was a quick, easy fix since the holes were already there,” says Derek McBounteous, undertaker for Pine Grove.

There has been a public outcry questioning the morality of burying people in potholes, but cemetery officials show no signs of changing their minds. Morticians have implemented a new $1,500 monthly payment for both current burial plot owners and future families looking to bury their loved ones. If the family of the deceased fails to pay the amount, the undertaker will transfer the corpse to a pothole. 

McBounteous informed RamPage reporters that pothole burial will only cost a one-time payment of $750. When pressed about the cost of burial being too high, he told us, “if you can’t afford that, than don’t die!”